Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize