I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
