He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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