So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
