dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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