I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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