On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
