a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
