Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
