i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
