At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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