On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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