Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
