I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
