Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Panties = found
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