I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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