I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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