I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
