I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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