You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
