I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we're so committed to being not committed
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
