His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
