If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
