Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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