I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
