While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize