Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
