Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
