Soap is not a condiment
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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