I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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