once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
