My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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