In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
