Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
