Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
