So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.