meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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