1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian