my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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