Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...

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  (805): bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad... http://tfl.nu/qw8q
  Replies (45) Good night (3149) Bad night (490)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

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  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
  Replies (34) Good night (1344) Bad night (4774)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

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  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (6131) Bad night (895)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.

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  (970): I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower. http://tfl.nu/95p5
  Replies (8) Good night (3186) Bad night (1089)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...

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  (413): thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover... http://tfl.nu/lbcp
  Replies (7) Good night (1011) Bad night (3231)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.

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  (785): Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer. http://tfl.nu/7lxv
  Replies (15) Good night (5709) Bad night (1141)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on

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  (717): I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on http://tfl.nu/s4r4
  Replies (3) Good night (1710) Bad night (657)
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  (331): View more from Illinois

  DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME

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  (331): DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME http://tfl.nu/8t0w
  Replies (7) Good night (2680) Bad night (525)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?

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  (347): I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night? http://tfl.nu/sddm
  Replies (17) Good night (569) Bad night (1590)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden

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  (201): we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden http://tfl.nu/jtve
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (392)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"

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  (410): You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails (1-410): I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling" (1-410): The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself" http://tfl.nu/79pq
  Replies (3) Good night (1250) Bad night (343)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.

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  (928): Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week. http://tfl.nu/3dmv
  Replies (6) Good night (1389) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.

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  (256): Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants. http://tfl.nu/myfs
  Replies (2) Good night (689) Bad night (409)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.

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  (978): He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway. http://tfl.nu/9qaw
  Replies (2) Good night (507) Bad night (207)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that

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  (303): Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that http://tfl.nu/7etq
  Replies (2) Good night (329) Bad night (206)

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