This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The convent might be a nice break from real life