So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.