Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10