Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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