bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
