Texts From Last Night

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  (705): View more from Ontario

  and you said cock pushups were impossible

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  (705): and you said cock pushups were impossible http://tfl.nu/k08s
  Replies (9) Good night (3437) Bad night (561)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?

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  (334): you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that? http://tfl.nu/908j
  Replies (38) Good night (1473) Bad night (3382)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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  (407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv
  Replies (6) Good night (2576) Bad night (734)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.

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  (913): I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM. http://tfl.nu/ou48
  Replies (33) Good night (1571) Bad night (5079)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

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  (251): As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic" http://tfl.nu/evdo
  Replies (17) Good night (4616) Bad night (1019)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

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  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (60) Good night (15202) Bad night (2164)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.

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  (908): This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/5cs7
  Replies (16) Good night (1215) Bad night (3630)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.

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  (217): And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night. http://tfl.nu/dztw
  Replies (3) Good night (1706) Bad night (1182)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..

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  (678): there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub.. http://tfl.nu/f53v
  Replies (4) Good night (1238) Bad night (563)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...

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  (770): Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me... http://tfl.nu/5vx9
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (2316)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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  (276): They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends? http://tfl.nu/rjha
  Replies (8) Good night (1609) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me

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  (206): She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me http://tfl.nu/zp1n
  Replies (11) Good night (2183) Bad night (500)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.

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  (801): You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fwv4
  Replies (5) Good night (391) Bad night (741)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.

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  (787): Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now. http://tfl.nu/rhtn
  Replies (6) Good night (733) Bad night (461)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.

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  (541): Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears. http://tfl.nu/9wf5
  Replies (1) Good night (720) Bad night (254)

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