how can u be prego again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Randomize
