mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
