He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
