dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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