I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
