hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
