just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
