So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
