he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
