The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
