Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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