i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
