nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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