Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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