Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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