What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
