No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
