Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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