I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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