I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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