I wish my penis had an off switch
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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